Lightning In A Bottle

My kids love watching the show So You Think You Can Dance.  I don't mind it either.  A few weeks ago a song by Christina Perri called "Jar Of Hearts" was used in the show.  Read about what happened next here.  We watched the episode of the show last night where she got to perform live.  Yes, I know we are behind.

There is something quintessentially American about these kinds of stories.  It is the romance of "the big break."  Girl works in restaurant, girl is found by accident, girl becomes star, girl performs in front of millions.  It makes me feel good to know that this kind of thing still happens.  It reminds me of the first scene in Pretty Woman  where Julia Roberts gets off the bus in Hollywood and the guy on the street is saying "Welcome to Hollywood.  What's your dream?"  You don't really remember that Julia Roberts has to become a hooker before she meets her Prince Charming.  It's the end that you remember.

I don't know if Christina Perri is destined for mega-stardom.  Her music sounds a lot like lots of other music that's out now.  I didn't particularly enjoy her live performance either.  She sounded OK, but her mouth really bothered me.  Yes, I am that petty.  Nevertheless, I love the fact that she was doing what she loved to do and trying to make a horse race of it.  She got a big break through someone she knew, and caught lightning in a bottle.  I hope she turns it into something fantastic.

Ten - Conflicted

I want you to grow up and be independent.  I want you to stay young and always need me.

I want you to be strong and tough.  I never want you to lose your tenderness.

I want you to know you can do anything.  I want you to know there are some things you should never do.

I want you to want it so badly you will do whatever it takes.  I want you to know the world won't end if you don't get it.

I want you to be just like me.  I want you to be nothing like me.

I can't imagine life without seeing you each day.  I know that day is coming sooner than I can imagine.

I see all of your faults.  I think you are perfect.

No one will ever love you the way I do.  Someone will love you more than I do.

Ten years is a lifetime.  Ten years is an instant.

I love you, Boo Boo.

Happy Birthday.

Exit, Stage Right

I have been at Symantec for over two years.  I came there to work with two good friends on some new initiatives happening after their product was acquired.  I had never worked at a company that was so large, nor that had the kind of Fortune 500 customer list that they have.  It's been a mostly fun ride, but I have decided it's time to move on.  I have wanted, for quite some time, to start my own company.  Now feels to me like the right time to have a go at it.

In the months leading up to this decision, I have weighed the options many times.  There is nothing wrong with having a job that pays well, great benefits, and all of that.  It's what most people want.  For me, however, it felt like my soul was being taken out one day at a time.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's the best way to describe how the past six to nine months have felt.  I have shared some of the more interesting stories on scottbarstow.com about things that I have heard people say from time to time.  It is really quite funny.

I have never gone without a steady paycheck.  I don't know really what kind of angst that will create, but I am sure there will be some.  Regardless of how it turns out, the rewards outweigh the risks at this point for me.  I don't mean the rewards of getting rich ( though I would not complain about it ), or any other material thing.  I am looking forward to the challenge of seeing if I have what it takes to pull it off.  Maybe my ideas will win the day, maybe they won't.  I can't wait to find out.

One Kick At The Can

I was reading the story of Kaye Cowher's death yesterday and found it to be both sad and inspiring.  Kaye was the wife of former Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher and died over the weekend from skin cancer.  The story was a bit more poignant to me not because I knew her personally but because I often saw her out walking in front of our house.  We live one block over from the Cowhers, and it was not uncommon to see the one or both of them out walking their dog from time to time.  

I remembered thinking when I saw them that they always looked like they enjoyed each other.  Think about how rare that is to see.  They have been married for quite some time ( over 30 years ), and have been through a lot. I can't imagine being married to a pro football player and coach is all that easy.  Yes, there are financial benefits to it, but the sacrifice is also quite large, and I imagine the stress can be quite intense at times.

I found the story sad because I can only imagine the grief and sorrow that permeates the house.  I also found it sad because I wonder if Coach Cowher regrets the time away all those years, not having any idea that it would come to this kind of sudden end.  I hope for his sake he doesn't.  I hope he can look back on it and know that he was doing what he thought was right, and that there is no way to know how the story ends.

Kaye Cowher is also inspiring.  She is someone I can point my daughter at and say "Look what you can do."  She was one of the first to play basketball under Title IX, and played professional basketball in the early 80's.  She was, by all accounts, a fantastic mother and wife as well.  

I have stopped trying to answer the question of why this kind of thing happens.  It just does.  But, it's a not-so-gentle reminder that you only get one time around, one kick at the can.  Make the most of it.  

What If

What if I am wrong?

What if I fail?

What if it doesn't happen?

What if no one shows up?

What if I lose it all?

What if it's the dumbest thing I have ever done?

How could you do it?

Why would you do it?

Why would you give that up?

Do you know how many would love to have that?

I know it's right.

I don't know.

I never know.

I trust.

God.

Conscience Do Cost

So said Butchie to Omar.  

I had a situation develop over the last couple of weeks that was one of those times where you have to check in with your conscience and remember that nothing matters more than reputation and your word. I have worked to develop a relationship that has long-term implications for the last eight to nine months.  In a particular fit of over-excitement I made a few decisions that, although paved with good intentions and enlightened mutual interest, had the appearance of something else to the other party.  There was some pretty intense discussion and it appeared that a lot of work on both our parts was about to come to an abrupt end.  Given the value of the relationship, I had a choice to make.  I could withhold some pieces of information and preserve a shell of a better relationship, or be completely forthright and let the chips fall as they may.  I knew it could cost in a number of ways.

I chose to be completely honest.  There are those that would say you disclose what you need to, but I only work well with people I fully trust and that fully trust me.  I have been doing this long enough to know that I don't want to be around someone I have to worry about.  Life is too short.

Anyway, to make a long story short, after a day or two of introspection, it seems as though things are back on the right foot.  I don't know what will come of it, but I know I would not have been able to enjoy any future benefits if I had taken the shortcut that was available.  My Dad always said "A man only has two things that matter, his health and his word."  When you go through a time where the easy road is right there in front of you, it's good to remember that anyone can go down that road.  That voice that whispers to you about doing the right thing while the other voice screams to do anything but is the one you need to listen to.

The Ice Cream Truck

I was out tonight at a local park for my kid's tennis lesson in a part of town that is surrounded by lower income housing.  This in and of itself is not really that interesting.  What is interesting is that for the entire time I was there ( about two hours ), there was the constant din of ice cream truck music playing as various freezers on wheels made their way through the park and surrounding neighborhoods.  It's like this every night that we are over there.

I have lived in my current house for over three years, and I think I have seen the ice cream truck one time.  And yet, in this lower income area, the ice cream truck is omnipresent on hot summer nights.  I am not sure why I find this strange or disconcerting, but I do.  These are people that probably can't afford to buy a lot of ice cream, and yet they are subjected to a constant stream of marketing about buying cheap, unhealthy ice cream.  It's like walking into a convenience store in lower income areas and seeing lottery advertising everywhere you look.  I have heard lottery called a tax on the poor, and I felt the same way about these street vendors tonight.

Maybe I am way off here.  I am not trying to be condescending about the people that live in this area.  I truly don't know what it's like to walk a mile in their shoes, so maybe it is my ignorance showing through.  Maybe they just really like ice cream and this is the way they buy it.  But, it felt a lot like manipulation and playing upon desires of people that probably live month to month just trying to hang on.  

It bothered me.